Life Lesson #3 - Own Your Skin

Dec 29, 2024

Be the bull that wanders glasshouses. Flip apple carts with pride. Whisper less. Say more. Put your words to good use. Live by a code. Remain flexible. Have a vision. Make decisions. Mistakes, too! Rock your edge. Or, maybe your jam is inner worlds, crafted creations, with a side of daydreaming? Equally epic! The best version is the real version.

Ladies and Gents, step right up! One size fits all! The conveyor belt of the status quo groans and moans, manufacturing obedience. Don’t let it silence the fire that burns. Resist the churn! Travel True North. Blaze your own trail. Paint outside the lines. La Vie Bohème!

How to package your persona as a creative mind? Step one - trash the institutional gift wrap. Dump the labels. Superficial branding? Meh! Having a distinct point of view? Indeed! Doubling down on the projects that speak to your soul? Now we’re talking! The best roadmap is the one that already exists deep inside your soul.

Grab the dynamite.
Stage a jailbreak.

Traits and quirks hidden in shame only cause pain. Own your skin! Be yourself without hesitation or apology. Choose your fate. Ignore the hate. The secret to soulful success is found in the mirror. Know thyself. Walk thy path. Learn as you go. Take plenty of notes. Use those notes. You hold the power! Use it wisely.

My unruly response to aging is predictable. Although my collarbone is detached from my left shoulder, I still give the treadmill hell three times a week. When surgery repairs the break, I’ll return to the modified HIIT training I love. The intensity and drive rarely subside. Still, being a rebel has its limits.

The photoshoot that eventually became Bobby Ford Studios had to capture the real me. Hiding the toll of my rebellious life was not an option. Ok, a few touch-ups, but nothing too radical. Photoshoots have never triggered anxiety in the past, but this one had me whirling. Vulnerability can be a transformative experience. It can also feel like drowning!

Brio Cooney, a friend, and the photographer held space for my anxiety. She didn’t try to fix me. It was an intense shoot, four hours nonstop. Tears fell. Tender moments were shared. The vulnerability of my work as a lifelong survivor and creator had to be seen in the lens. Easier said than done. The experience dared me to surrender the bubble that kept me safe. The price paid. Beauty found. In so many ways, this series dares you to do the same.

NON-COMPLIANCE

It rarely happens in an instant. It builds over time. Inch by inch, we declare our independence. Obscure twentieth-century Poet Muriel Strode penned, "I will not follow where the path may lead, but I will go where there is no path, and I will leave a trail." The quote, incorrectly attributed to Emerson, offers good soil for the creative minds of the world. Obedience never seeds joy for our kind. And yet, the pressure to fit in never ends. Kiss the ring. Stay in your lane! Be well-behaved. Seriously? Slam on the brakes! It’s your damn car. Anyone that doesn’t get that can get out and walk.

Non-compliance is a choice.
Make the choice.

Carve out your place in the world. Flesh out your brand of bliss. It is in the act of rebellion that we find our way. Ratify your non-compliance. Travel unknown roads. When you crash, be gentle with yourself. The more you push the envelope, the more you’ll crash. That’s the reality. No worries! Celebrate your victories. Learn from the train wrecks. Above all else, enjoy the ride.

One defining trait of non-compliance is rejecting or altering the traditional way of doing things. The typical approach is rarely our approach when a project, topic, or cause triggers our deepest passions. As noted in Embrace The Struggle, vanilla is not my jam. Had I complied, the words I wrote would taste like old cardboard. Hungry for another well-aged morsel? And that assumes I could produced a writing project such as this, which I seriously doubt.

“The goal of art is to share who we are
and how we see the world.”

Rick Rubin

Disingenuous or forced non-compliance never works. Pushing the envelope is not about our egos. It’s about who we are as creators and how we do our work or craft. Your voice is your own, as are the trails you choose to blaze or not blaze. Your point of view, process, and the sparks that inform your work are sacred ground. Protect that ground!

INTENSITY

Prolific creative minds bring hurricane levels of intensity to their work and existence. While that intensity is our bread and butter, we must be careful. Our kinetic energy can be as destructive as it is transformative. Surf your rough edges! Our jet fuel has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert. It’s born from deeply held passions and a resolute sense of purpose. To hell with the evidence! It can be a bit much, even for ourselves.

Start wildfires.
Control the burn.

What to write? A gear turns, then another, followed by a loud pop-click. An idea strikes. It’s time to put words on the page. Will anyone read it? Pop-click. Ideas and emotions surge. I’m drowning! Pop-click. My fingers tickle the keyboard like I’m playing Beethoven's 5th. Crazy highs and lows. Stay the course! Find the moments. The last gear turns. Pop-click. The piece is done.

Intense fears. Shove them into a box! Maybe one day? Definitely, not today. A gear turns, then another, followed by a loud pop-click. All hell breaks loose. Nothing makes sense. Something has to give! Pop-click. Crash, then soar, then crash again. Lessons learned. A fresh start takes hold. Pop-click. The chaos remains, but in a controlled, and productive way. The last gear turns. Pop-click. The storm subsides. Alas, I’m still alive. Even a bit wiser.

Managing our intensity requires paying attention. It’s far too easy to race past essential details. Warning signs. When we do, we sabotage our success. Slow down. Stay fully present with the person in the mirror. Breathe. Observe. Practice patience.

How to cuddle with a fire-breathing dragon?

ROUGH EDGES

Drop a dose of obsession. Chew on some weird. Take a hit of endless imagination. Dude, it’s a righteous high! Recreational drugs? Nope! A peek inside the creative process of rebel creators. The world struggles to understand heightened people who do their thing on the very edge of traditional realities. What the hell is wrong with you? Absolutely nothing! Why are you so fracking strange? Try to keep up! Why rock the boat? Fasten your seat belt! There is a method to our maverick madness. Your rituals may or may not be as heightened as your peers. It matters not! Rock your own rodeo.

Behaviors classified as extreme include some of our best Black Sheep traits. Obsession. Eccentricity. Defiance. Playfulness. Intensity, being geeky, and other quirks deliver the fire we need to succeed. Absent that edge, we become generic. Flat. Bland, at best.

Add fuel to your fire!
Burn bright without apology.

Paper thin is the line between healthy obsession and the kind that burns the damn house down! Pick any edge trait deemed valuable by you and excessive by others. The potential for harm likely exists. Keep it real. Find your center. Don’t drown! Rough edges only serve your life if they’re not destroying your life. Right? Are you laughing right now?

Self-awareness is key, as is personal accountability. If you’re circling the drain or blowing up your career, please don’t pretend otherwise. Hit the pause button. You can change the world down the road. Know when to go fast and when to go slow.

UNCONDITIONAL TRUST

No audience. No cast or crew. Just you, standing alone in the spotlight. You’re there for a reason. Commit to the idea or project that has captured your imagination. Let it seep into every fiber of your being. Walking away will exact an unbearable price. Make a calculated bet. Go for broke! That’s the intoxicating journey that opens doors most never consider.

Trust yourself.
Take a leap of faith.

Imagine being a flamboyant, larger-than-life Elton John before he became a household name. How to trust yourself when the world does not get you and judges your sexual identity? Imagine being Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. before he became a celebrated civil rights activist. How to trust yourself when the world violently attacks your work at every turn? Doing your own thing can be painful. Brutal, even. How to survive the onslaught?

Trust your identity. The traits that are core. Trust instincts honed over time. Trust your experience as hard-earned wisdom. Trust your talents, especially those that don’t fit in a box. You are the Secret Sauce! You are the thunder that shatters the status quo.

Ignore the critics.
Be the wildcard.

Owning your skin is unconditionally trusting yourself just as you are without pre-conditions. Let that sink in for a moment. Playing it safe when feeling insecure, while normal, tosses you in a jail cell of your own making. Doubling down on your work or craft is crucial during intense moments of doubt. Heed Samuel Beckett’s sage advice … “Fail more! Fail better!“ As you learn to trust yourself, doubling down on your talent and instincts becomes easier. Translation? Jump in the deep end! Confidence is born of experience.

THE LONG GAME

Doing big things. Realizing dreams. It’s never as easy as it seems. Dig deep. Push hard. Don’t let go! Resilience is essential. Anything less than your True North best could fall short. The driving force within you has to be real, lest you run out of gas. I speak from experience.

One person’s normal may be your version of grand. It’s relative to the situation at hand. Where are you in your story? What chapter are you about to write? Press forward. Dig deep. Climb the mountain, then plant your flag. We attain new heights by staying true to our path.

Manifesting the things you feel compelled to create is a rollercoaster beyond compare. It can leave you lifeless. Spent. Motionless. The price is high. Hold space to be boring. Tune out. Crash hard. Then get back to the work you feel called to do. Such is the life of an insatiable creative. There are always things to say. Lightning strikes that cannot be ignored.

Practice patience.
Play the long game.

The original budget for the hit indie movie “Once” was one million dollars, with Cillian Murphy attached to the lead role. When he opted out, the funding dried up. Writer/Director John Carney recruited fellow musicians to star in the film, which he made for a little under $140K (before finishing funds). A film is considered low-budget when its funding is below $7 million!

The odds against such a film winning an Oscar for best song, getting a Grammy nomination, becoming a musical, and ending up in a Simpson’s episode are astronomical! The list of unlikely ventures that beat similar odds is endless. It takes what it takes. When facing impossible odds, rewrite the math. Cut a path! But the journey takes time.

In my experience, you take more risks when comfortable in your skin. Huh? Owning your skin requires trusting yourself, which puts more options on the table. Taking action from a place of self-trust vastly differs from the superficial bravado marketed as being fearless. Steadfast resolve does not sway with the wind. It’s born of creative and artistic discipline, plenty of experience, and trusting the person in the mirror. Do you have your own back?

When I owned an ad agency, my fees included a large initial retainer and a monthly fee for our ongoing services. A multi-state retailer had paid for the initial discovery process but was unwilling to commit to the monthly agency fee beyond the initial gig. The discovery process culminated in a retreat where I shared my findings.

During our retreat, the client plopped several massive three-ring binders on the conference table with a loud thud. Each meaty binder was a pitch from a competitor of mine in their market. The client wanted to give us a leg up on the competition. I paused briefly, then tossed each beefy binder into the trash …methodically … one at a time.

Audacity makes for good medicine.
A little goes a long way!

I knew we hit it out of the park in the discovery phase. Dealing with the elephant in the room was the only viable option. I catered their lunch, shared my point of view, and gave them two hours to decide. It was now or never! They signed on and remained a loyal client for many years. Was I being fearless? No, I was not.

My reaction was principled and backed by decades of experience. I took an informed risk because I trusted my talent and instincts. Are you comfortable making True North decisions, no matter the end result? Trade out bravado for resolve. Stand behind your convictions.

Success requires a strong internal compass.
Use your compass.

Scaling your impact has nothing to do with the absence of fear. If anything, fear is the catalyst that informs, even elevates, our work. In the fire, we find our fuel! Plant your brand of seed to grow your kind of crop. Owning your skin makes for good soil.

I have never lost the playfulness that comes with being a child. No matter how old I get, my childlike curiosity remains. A life without wonder is no life at all. I seek it out wherever it might be found. As a result, my laugh is more of a wild cackle.

As a lifelong fan of all things sci-fi, fantasy, and otherworldly, being a geek is a big part of my life. I once wrote a Star Wars blog post that got over 230,000 reads! My claim to geek fame. Clearly, I’m rocking some epic Force Power. Owning our quirks connects us to our authentic selves. It’s a way to sustain our independence and find meaning in life. Wearing masks, not so much.

Crazy ideas. Enchanting dreams. The lives we’ve led. What remains to be said? Ghosts from the past. The pain that remains. Twists and turns while doing our thing. Extraordinary minds are not quiet. Greatness has a vibe. An unmistakable presence. You can feel it in your bones. Claim your path without hesitation or apology. Heed the call. Be an unmistakable presence.

Embers. Sparks. Dominos waiting for their due. It spins and spins, the compass only your soul can see. Which way to go? How to proceed? Travel True North. Dance in the rain. Eat good food. Hug deeply. Love deeply. Ignore the naysayers. Fight for the things you have yet to discover! Look for crossroads. Take risks. Be bold. When society doubts your sanity, climb more mountains. Plant more flags. Bumps. Bruises. Experience gained. Give your voice a fully realized life.

Big hugs & much respect,
Bobby Ford

PS: Links to all four essays can be found at the bottom of this post.

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Aloha! I’m Bobby Ford.

Beyond my work as a writer and in the arts, I also offer a 1ON1 experience that you can collapse into as a human being. A refuge we co-create and that meets you where you live — personally, creatively, and as a business.

Click HERE to access the links below:

• Your Deeply Human 1ON1 Refuge ➜ Work With Me

• My Podcast ➜ Creative Minds Like Us

• Essay Series ➜ Four Life Lessons

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